I decided to write a series of poems when I feel strong emotion. I want to be okay with feeling things strongly and not trying to defuse the tension of whatever I am feeling. But just rest in it and experience it.
Right Now I Feel…
Did you not think I was worthy enough to stay?
I know that people love the best they can but your best wasn’t good enough for me.
(I learned I have the right to feel that)
So you weren’t enough. And I wasn’t enough. And there just wasn’t enough.
And we became skeletons that just existed on shadows of what we were supposed to have. And I don’t see you enough to know what you became.
But I became hands and a brain
While the rest of me was bone
Even my heart
Bleached by years of sun
Hands because I always tried to do things to become enough
and a brain because I always tried to try and think enough.
Use enough logic
But I want my heart to beat and allow some of the pressure of life off my hands and head.
And this is okay to feel without justification or rationalization or needing to move on to the next situation.
Because even though I feel betrayed, I know that there are other emotions (There’s light) and hope.